Ava loves her Daddy

Since we've been home, Patrick has taken over lots of the things that I typically do with/for Ava- like morning time stuff, bath time, bed time, etc. All that stuff (bending over, being very mobile, going up and down the stairs, picking Ava up) has been either impossible or very difficult for me to do the surgery I had. He's been a HUGE help! I would totally die without him!

This morning Ava climbed into bed, and while I pumped (story of my life!), they had some daddy/daughter time. Ava was happy to snuggle up with Patrick and look at some fun stuff on the computer. :)

Sweet, isn't it? Ava is a lucky girl. :)

She's a feisty one!

Well, here we are, day 8 in the NICU. Bella's doing great, which is just so wonderful...it just makes me feel so much better and at ease (as much as possible). Emory Johns Creek Hospital has some great nurses that take such good care of Bella- so, she has that going for her!

I got to hold her like a regular baby today! :) You know what I mean- like hold her in my arms while I was standing without being all wrapped up and connected to lots of wires. (She's still got some leads on her that monitor her respiratory function and the feeding tube, but it's a lot less than it has been)! If you can see in this next picture, they moved her feeding tube to her nose instead of through her mouth. So, now it's called a N.G- tube (n=nasal, instead of o=oral). That's great news because, for one- it's a little less irritating (imagine having a little tube constantly down the back of your throat!) and it will also allow her to start practicing to suck with less trouble. Most babies acquire the sucking skill around week 32, so we're starting to work on that now. I actually attempted to nurse today. Since her breathing seems to be on auto pilot now, we can focus on the next big task- getting her to eat! We didn't expect anything miraculous today, just an introduction. :) I think she did great, and I have high hopes that she'll turn into a great nursing baby! Only time will tell! Here she is all cozy in her bed. She's beginning to regulate her temperature a little better, so if she keeps that up, she'll be moving to a regular bed sometime soon. She sure does like her little room, though. :) Her nurse, Karen, told me that she LOVES looking at the picture of Ava towards the back of the incubator. She said, the usually have to make babies face the back, but she'll do it happily cause she just loves that pic. Karen said she looks at it so intently...like she's memorizing it. She loves her sister. :)
When I talked to the nurse tonight for my nightly update, she said that Bella was super feisty this morning. She also woke up 15 minutes before her 8am feeding "screaming" for her breakfast! Instead of just being okay with being fed every 3 hours, she was HUNGRY! Once she was fed, she was a happy camper. Sounds crazy to me because neither Patrick or I have heard her cry since she was born! She mostly just sleeps. :) I think we may have a little stinker on our hands. :) Just can't wait to get that stinker home!

Well, I have been a pumping machine. I have been keeping with with Bella's feedings- so every 3 hours (8, 11, 2, and 5 around the clock) I pump for about 30 minutes. Needless to say, I am TIRED! The first few days of her life, I pumped every 3-4 hours and I went for longer stretches at night, which is WAY easier than 3 hours 24 hours/day! I feel like all I do is pump- I pump in the car, I pump when I visit Bella, I pump when I get home, I pump in the middle of the night....like I said. I am a pumping machine. No joke! By the time I'm done pumping, it's been about 30 minutes, and it's only 2.5 more hours til I have to start again! I've been very tired. Apparently Ava has noticed that too. When Patrick was putting her to bed tonight, Ava asked him why I was so tired. :) Sweet Ave.

Anyway, here is a picture of the top shelf in our freezer...we're getting very full! These are bottles that we bring to the hospital every few days so Bella has good, fresh milk so she can grow big and strong and come home to us!


That's about it for today. I will try to continue to update, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up with it everyday. I'll at least try to post a picture everyday. Hope all is well with everyone and thanks again for the continued prayers.

Special thanks to Bobbi for helping us get everything organized for Bella, my sister in law, Elizabeth (Booj!) for bringing us yummy chicken pot pie dinner, and my mom for carting me around town when Patrick couldn't so I could see Bella! I REALLY don't know what we would do without everyone's help!!! THANK YOU!!!

Snug as a Bug

Bella is one week old today! I've got a few iPhone pics for y'all.

They have Bella all cuddled up today because, until now, the temperature in her incubator automatically adjusted itself based on Bella's body temp. (Ex: If Bella got too cold, the incubator automatically heated up to maintain a normal body temp for Bella). Now, the incubator is held at one temperature (around 87 degrees), and Bella's body has to work to regulate her own temp. Well, she's still working on that skill and sometimes gets a little too cold, so they've bundled her up. She's got a hat, shirt, pants, socks, and a little blanket on...as well as a teddy bear (from Ava!) sitting right on her back. :) This is just one of the 254 baby steps preemies have to take in order to start to function like a full term baby!


Patrick finally got to hold her today! He hasn't held her in a day or two for one reason or another. So, it was his turn today...he's quite the multi-tasker: Bella, coffee, the Droid. :)

Bella is still slowly improving. She gained a little more weight today- 50 grams! Before we left, they told us that they would be removing her IV this afternoon/evening. Yay!! That means that now she has to continue to gain weight with just the breast milk, which she is handling very well. She's almost up to a full, normal feeding (based on her weight) 8 times a day, so we'll just have to wait and see how she does.

As for me, I'd say I'm doing pretty well mentally. Usually when I see Bella, I just get smiley, but every now and then I get a little choked up. I really can't wait to have her home. It's a little strange that I had a baby, then came home...with no baby. Basically, it's like we just picked up where we left off on Thursday morning...with a little more stress. I was missing her last night... feeling pretty sad. But, I guess that's to be expected.

More to come tomorrow :)

NICU Day 6

Bella continues to do great! Everything is steadily improving! They are stopping the IV fluids tomorrow (since she is tolerating all her feedings so well), so soon we'll be rid of that darn IV that's been in her hand/arm for a week! Her bili level dropped even more today...hopefully we're in the clear of the lights for good. Her breathing is great and her caffeine treatment is working wonders!

She finally has all that stuff off her face (aside from the G-tube), and she looks so great! :)
Dr. Daddy wanted to make sure the NICU nurses weren't missing anything. :) He said everything sounds good. ;)
Here's a little smile I managed to catch with my phone camera. :)Thanks for all your good wishes and prayers....Bella is a lucky girl to have so many people sending good wishes her way!

Bella Day 6

No more stuff on her face!

Beach Babe

We went for another visit today- NICU day 5. When we were talking about when to leave, Ava yelled, "Can I come?!" So, we took her in to see her new sister. She was great with her...she brought her a new "lovey" which she proceeded to drop on the floor about 7 times....so, needless to say, we just took it back home to wash it again. We'll try getting it to Bella clean next time around! :) Ava's attention span is only so long, so Patrick took her to ride in the elevators and get a treat....which you can see remnants of on her lips and teeth...she enjoyed her first Tootsie Pop! :)

Here she is baking in her lights! First visit to the beach?! :) ...Positive thinking here! :) You can tell in this picture that she has an eye shield on, which apparently she DID NOT LIKE! Her nurse said she was so wiggly and wouldn't settle down with the eye shield on...said she inadvertently pulled out her feeding tube TWICE! She's a feisty one. :) Bella continues to make wonderful progress! As we mentioned yesterday, her billirubin level crept up past 11 (Hyperbilirubinemia), so the doc decided to put her under the phototherapy lights. After only 24 hours her level dropped all the way down into the normal range, and the lights have been discontinued. The nurses will check the level again Thursday morning to see if she needs more phototherapy. Yay!

I wasn't sure if I'd be able to hold her today, but since her bili levels were so good, I was able to do more Kangaroo Care and held her for about an hour! :) She really loves snuggling up on my chest and resting while she gets her feeding (via the feeding tube). She usually zonks right out the second we start snuggling. :) Pure sweetness.
Here's the only up close we have of her new, cleaned up face! Of course, now she's got that ridiculous white thing that holds her eye shield on. Can't wait to see her perfect face with NOTHING on it!! (PS. By the way- her hair looks like it's getting a little strawberry, huh?! What do you think?! Patrick still insists it's BLONDE)! :)
This is the view when we walk into the NICU. You can see her little tanning bed lights glowing from her room!

Bella has also been a very hungry girl! The nurses are now feeding her pumped breast milk at a rate of 20cc/3hrs (almost to where she ideally should be). She has gained 10gms in the last 24 hours (she weighs 3lbs, 11.6oz)! She has tolerated all of these feedings with no residuals!

Here's Ava with her tutu playing outside while we waited for Patrick to give us valet service! Yes, she picked this outfit out herself! :)

Breathing Easy

Went back to visit Bella today for the first time as a visitor as opposed to an in-hospital patient...

She's doing so great! She really continues to amaze me everyday when I really think about the fact that she came NINE WEEKS EARLY! She's a real, true preemie. I hardly ever think of her that way...I just think of her as my baby. My regular, normal baby. So, it's weird to think of her as a preemie...just seems like other people have preemies. Not me. But, alas, here we are, day 4 in the NICU. And I must say....Bella is kinda awesome. :)

The caffiene treatment is working great for her...her breathing is basically perfect, and it seems like her CNS is remembering to breath all the time! A definite plus! At the end of our visit today, they took off her nasal cannula and she is now breathing 100% room air with no help! So far, she hasn't had any apnea episodes or desaturations of any kind! When I talked with the nurse this evening, she said they finally took all that tape off her face (that was holding all her breathing equipment)...so, she's all cleaned up. I can't wait to see her sweet, unobstructed face tomorrow!!!

Her bilirubin levels continued to climb (causing her to be jaundice) and her doc decided to start her on phototherapy today. So, as I was leaving, they were setting up her tanning bed lights. She could be under the lights for just a few or many days. It all just depends on how she responds to the therapy. But, she's pooping great...and that always helps! :) Basically, the lights allow the bilirubin to be converted to products that can be pooped and peed out...both of which she's doing very well! So, only time will tell! She'll wear a shield over her eyes to protect them from the lights. Only bad part about the lights is that I wont be able to hold her very much during the treatment. It's a 24/7 treatment. Depending on how she's doing, the nurse thought that I may only be able to hold her for 15 mins or so... we'll just have to see how she's doing. Hopefully, her bili levels will decrease quickly.

The increased her feedings up to 15cc (3 teaspoons) every 3 hours, and she's tolerating that perfectly! No residual milk left in her belly so far!

And, lastly, she's gaining weight again!!! Yay! She was down to 3 lbs 9.6 oz yesterday and 24 hours later, she is now back up to 3 lbs 11 oz! She's a growin' girl. :)

It was great to see her today- we did more Kangaroo Care and she snuggled down into my shirt and slept perfectly soundly for an hour! It was wonderful. I could have sat there all day with her. When I went to put her back in her bed, she woke and up looked at us with those beautiful, big eyes until we left. She wanted to see me before I left. :) She looks so different to me when she opens her eyes- like she's more real. :) I love it...can't wait to see those eyes again. I took this pic right as I was leaving with my phone camera, so it's not the best quality. But you can see her without the cannula...but she still has all the tape on there.
So, she's doing great. Slowly, but surely, she's getting stonger and bigger and more wonderful everyday!

I thought I had experienced what true heartbreak felt like....

...until I had to say goodbye to my 3 day old, 3 pound, precious little girl and leave her at the hospital as I drove home. I know I've never done anything harder in my life. It's impossible to explain what happens to a mom when you physically cannot be with and care for your child...when you have to leave her in a warm incubator with pictures of your family taped to the side and allow someone else to take care of her. It's painful. Physically painful.

As the day went on, and I realized that today would be my last day being down the hall from Bella, it got harder and harder for me to imagine not being near her. I spent extra long times holding her and looking at her, all the while, unable to hold back my tears. When I went in for what I knew would be the last time before having to say goodbye for the day, I knew it would be hard.

When I saw her, she was laying peacefully in her cozy, warm bed. And her eyes WIDE open...looking right at me! I haven't seen her eyes open for more than just a few seconds at a time...usually, she's very sleepy. :) But this time was different, she was so content and had her beautiful, dark blue eyes wide open- just staring right back at me. I picked her up from her bed and cozied in with her in our chair (which now sits permanently in her little room for when I visit)...and I just got to look right at her eyes for at least a full 5 minutes. It was more than perfect. It was like she knew I needed that....for her to see me before I left...and for me to see her. I tried, but I couldn't hold back my intense tears. They came and came and didn't stop. I love her so much and don't ever want to be away from her...not even for a minute. I was able to pull myself together a few times, but when it came time to put her back in her bed and say goodbye, I couldn't kiss her, cuddle her, and stare at her long enough. Walking away from her was the hardest thing I've ever done. The moment I was out the door, I broke down. Patrick knows me well enough to expect that, and he just held me until I could breath again....then we walked back to our room to get the last of our things.

Although she came into this world 9 weeks early, she's completely perfect. Her eyes are perfect, her nose is perfect, her lips are perfect, her long fingers are perfect. Now, she just has to grow and continue to get stronger. She has to learn how to breath....all the time without forgetting. And she needs to do it quick...so I can have her close again.
Dear God,
Please watch over Bella while I am away. Give the nurses and doctors clarity and wisdom when it comes to making important decisions about her care. Give her peace and allow her to feel your protective presence. Please continue to mature her little body so she can come home soon. Please take care of our baby Bella. Amen.

Blondes have more fun!

This hair is post bath! So, what do you think? Blonde? Strawberry? I'm thinkin' it kinda looks like Patrick's hair when he was born...so, we will see!! Ava still insists that it's red! (PS- the blog title was courtesy of Patrick)!

Bella is still doing pretty well. She's remained just about the same over the past 24 hours and is generally stable. I'll try to explain everything as best as I can without getting into too many medical terms. As you know, she's no longer on the CPAP and has been on the nasal cannula for a little over 24 hours now. She does pretty well on that, but she still has times of desaturation (low blood oxygen) and lowered heart rate/respiratory rate (think apnea). She's been having these "episodes" on and off since switching to the cannula (currently 2 liters, room air). We talked with the neonatologist (her main doc) yesterday about different options if her breathing was to continue this way.

So, this morning, after a day and night of several "episodes" of apneic activity, they decided to start her on something called "caffeine treatment." In short, this basically stimulates her central nervous system (CNS) and helps her to remember to breath during times of rest. This treatment will continue for about 2 weeks, at which point they'll take her off the caffeine and monitor her for about a week to see how she does without it. Hopefully, that's all she'll need.

Bella has been tolerating her feedings very well so far; she is now on 10cc of breast milk every 3 hours (almost 3oz/24hr), given via a tube to her stomach (O.G. tube). I've already started to make lots of milk, and I don't think I'll have any problem providing her all of the breast milk she will need! Her weight has been pretty good. She's been losing a little each day, which is expected since her kidneys have kicked in and are getting rid of all the extra fluid from her IV's and such.

Day one (0 hours) weight: 4 lbs 1 oz.

Day two (24 hours) weight: 3 lbs 15 oz.
Day three (48 hours) weight: 3 lbs 11 oz.

This is to be expected (up to 10% of her birth weight) and should plateau in the next few days, after which she should slowly start to gain weight again.

Here are some pics to enjoy: Big Sister Ava got to visit...no holding yet, though. She wanted to sing Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer. Of course, she wanted me to sing with her, and then when we started, she decided she'd sang enough and wanted me to finish by myself. :)

Grandpa Mike also got a sneak peak. :)

Ava walking with Daddy to visit Bella in the NICU. Ava's job was to bring the little breastmilk bottle. She was very careful and did a great job!

Mommy and Bella having some cuddle time. :)All snug in her little incubator. :) One of the nurses found this cute little preemie onesie.

We would like to extend a big thank you to everybody for all of their support. There is no way to talk/text to everybody, so please feel free to send this blog to anybody asking about us. We will try to keep it updated daily.

Lots of Blessings- Bella 46 hour update

So, it's 7:00 on Saturday morning and I woke up smiling today. :)

I got to hold Bella for the first time last night!! I actually got to change her diaper and take her temperature, too!!! It was wonderful. I loved it and so did she.

I had been asking the nurses all day yesterday when I might be able to hold her, and no one really had a good answer...you know, everything depends on how well Bella is doing...blah, blah, blah. So, when I got a call a little before 8pm saying that Bella was "due" at 8 if I wanted to see her, I was so confused. So, I called the NICU, and talked to one of the nurses, Karen, who explained to me that basically they have "touch times" every 4 hours when they take the baby's vital signs, change diapers, etc. Otherwise, they like the babies to rest with minimal disturbances (including talking loudly, touching, flashing cameras, even a swift breeze produced by someone walking quickly by). She then told me that as long as Bella was tolerating everything alright (breathing rates, etc), I could try holding her. And, if for some reason, she didn't, I could come back at midnight and try again.

But she did great for the vital signs, etc, so it was my turn to try to hold her. Karen (the nurse) told me that she might be a little fussy at first and to not get offended or upset. But, she put Bella skin to skin on my chest (called Kangaroo Care), and she didn't PEEP! She cozied right in and rested perfectly. Not only that, but her respiratory rate (which has been elevated) settled right down to the normal range the entire time I got to hold her. Karen said she'd like me to hold her for "at least 30 minutes" to make all the moving around, unplugging and replugging monitors, increasing her breathing rate, etc all worth the effort. I wanted to say, "at least 30 minutes? Are you kidding me?! You'll have to kick me out!" :) Well, she was wonderful. I got to hold her for over an hour until I was drifting off to sleep and then remembered that I hadn't yet eaten dinner! I got to the NICU at 8 and left around 10:15!
That completely made my entire day! I'm convinced that if it weren't for this amazing NICU nurse, Karen, none of that would have happened!

Overall, Bella is doing remarkably well. She is strong and is breathing very well. Everyone keeps commenting on how big she is! She was born at 4lbs 1.7oz, which is bigger than they expected for a 31 weeker! They are comparing her to a 34 weeker, weight wise. It's a total blessing that she came out with a little extra on her! She's totally awesome. :)

Just this morning, they were able to remove the CPAP and she now just has a nasal cannula to put a little extra air in her nose. But, she is on her way to breathing completely on her own! I'll keep you posted! Please keep all the wonderful prayers coming!

Day 2 Bella Update

Just a quick update. Bella is doing about the same...maybe a bit improved. Until just recently, she was still intubated and getting a little help with her breathing patterns. A few hours ago, she was extubated and is now back on a CPAP machine. She's doing pretty well with that, although she likes to breath a little faster than they'd like with the CPAP. They put her on her belly, to stimulate the fetal position, to calm her a bit and to encourage her breathing to slow. But, she's being monitored and things seem to be stable.

This morning, I was able to get up and walk around for the first time since my surgery yesterday. Things are going pretty smoothly for me. My pain level is very bearable (much more so than post c-section with Ava)! So, I was able to go to the NICU and stand next to Bella and get a good, long look at her sweet, beautiful, perfect face.

I'm still not able to hold her yet, so she held my pinky instead and we talked for a while. I told her what Ava's favorite songs were- You are my Sunshine and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. She wanted to hear them, so I sang to her. She was mostly sleeping, but attempted to open her eyes and look at me a few times. She was just to darn tired to really hold them open. But, it was the first time I got a glimpse at her eyes...even if it was just for a second. They are beautiful eyes. :) Very dark in color- I think dark blue.

They had her laying on a little quilt today. She looked pretty cozy. Here we are having some much needed mommy-daughter time. I may have shed a few tears...I'm sure they wont be the last.

All hooked up...

Couldn't keep my eyes off her...


Ava got to meet Bella today for the first time. We have a video of her bringing her a little pink bear and touching and kissing her, but no real pictures yet. She was very sweet and told her, "I love you, Bella" as it was time for her to leave. Ava will be coming back again tonight, so I'll try to get some pictures. But, she already completely loves her baby sister and was incredibly gentle with her. Such a sweet little thing.

So, that's just a quick update for everyone. Patrick and I will probably be visiting her again soon so we can see her NOT intubated. I'll keep you posted on her progress. In the meantime, please continue to keep her in your prayers.

31 weeks was enough for Bella

Bella Michele Kindregan was born this morning at 11:32am at Emory Johns Creek Hospital. She was only 31 weeks gestation (out of 40), so it came as a bit of a surprise.

Here's the brief story... I was just getting out of the shower this morning at 8:00am when Meaghan called me crying from her office to tell me she was bleeding. A co-worker quickly drove her to the hospital where she was given a labor and delivery room. To make a long story short, the Doc decided we needed to have a c-section because the bleeding showed no signs of stopping. After 6 brief minutes in the OR, our little beautiful baby girl came into this world with loud cries.

She weighed in a petite 4lbs, 1.3oz and is 17.75" long. She will now live in the NICU for the next 4-6 weeks with 24/7 care. She is currently on the ventilator, with hopes of taking it out in the morning (Friday). Mom is doing very well - we hope to put her in a wheelchair and go visit Bella in the morning!

Thank you all for your continued calls, texts, FB messages and prayers. More details to follow...

Kiawah Island for 29 weeks!

So, as I mentioned before, we're on a little beach vacation on Kiawah Island, SC. Patrick's aunt and uncle live here and are so gracious to offer up their house each and every 4th of July week for a zillion family members to come and hang out. (Actually, they've offered for us to come anytime, but we like to come on the 4th, cause it's fun)! :) We've had a great time hanging out with family and all the kids are totally enjoying each other. It's been really great. I've been looking forward to this week for a LONG time.

So, anyway, I'm 29 weeks now and we snapped a few belly, family, beach pictures. :) (Beware- pregnant beach belly pictures)! Here's Patrick and me at the beach with my 29 week belly!
Here's the family! Patrick looks nice and tan, Ava looks like she's ready to break free and run, and I just look semi-whale like. :)

There goes Ava! Told you she was ready to run!

Ava and Bobbi wading in the ocean.

Here are the cousin kids: Ava (mine! almost 3), Ava (cousin! 6), and Reece (3 1/2)! They have had SUCH a fun time playing together!

Otherwise, things are going pretty well. I did have a few pretty rough days when I first got to Kiawah for vacation. I had severe back pain and lower abdominal pain/cramps- much worse than it has ever been before- including anytime during Ava's pregnancy. It was to the point where it was very painful just to walk. Even when I was sitting down, I'd get cramps under my belly that would come and go unprovoked. It worried me a little, but I really think it's just part of being pregnant. My belly is growing so much faster this time, I think it's just stretching and pulling on muscles and ligaments much more than before. Well, after about 2 days of that, it got MUCH better, and since then I've felt quite a bit more comfortable, physically. A few days ago, Patrick ordered me a belly band that's super sexy. :) It seems to help when I'm up and walking about...just holds my belly up a bit and takes some of the weight off my muscles and ligaments. We'll see if it helps long term.

Otherwise...things are good! 11 weeks left!!! I'm starting to get excited and wondering what Baby Bella will look like. :) Hope all is well out there!!

Free and Clear and in the Homestretch!

So, GREAT NEWS!!!

My test results came back NORMAL, so I don't have gestational diabetes!!! I got the message on my phone and wasn't expecting the good news, but they said everything was normal and I had nothing to worry about!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

I still don't understand how my screening tests were so different from the actual full blown test, but whatever! I'll take it! So, thanks to everyone who was thinking of Baby Bella and me...we appreciate all the support!

On another note- I'm officially in my 3rd trimester! Homestretch! I'm 28 weeks along now. And, let me tell you, I feel like I've gotten GIGANTIC in the past few weeks. And all the aches and pains that came at the end of my pregnancy with Ava are already full blown and here to stay. I have pretty severe lower back pain and lower abdominal pain, specifically on the lower right side. :( It's gotten much worse just in the past 10 days or so. Also, I'm already getting that restless leg syndrome business...just about every night at the same time. I'm lucky to have Patrick around cause he's usually pretty willing to massage my legs, which pretty much makes that feeling go completely away....until he stops! :) My nights are getting more uncomfortable. I feel like I spend my whole night moving from my left side to my right side, left to right, left to right. And I really want to lay on my back. I know that's a no-no, but for some reason, it still feels so comfortable to me. When I wake up that way, I literally have to talk myself into turning on my side. But, as far as how I actually feel, I feel good. Still no more nausea or anything. It's all just physical stuff.

But, I've got THREE months left- not sure how I'll be feeling by then...but it's not looking good. :)

Here are my belly pics from the past two weeks!

27 weeks:
Ava wanted to show you her belly too! :) But she doesn't like turning to the side. :)
28 weeks:
I'm pretty huge- but I guess that's not gonna be getting any better anytime soon!

So, we're on vacation this week at the beach on Kiawah Island! We're having a great time! Here's a little picture of Ava just for fun! I promise I'll post a good Ava post when we get back. I haven't updated her in forever!!
Every now and then, she get serious...and maybe a little pouty. :) Love it.I'll post more beach pictures when we get back!!!